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Wednesday, September 25th, 2002
8:47 pm - blah
you know you wish you were as sexy as me. o yeah. look at me. you wish you had all this. all these perfect porportions. bone and fat in all the right places.

lol. i'm so funny.

current mood: amused
Comments: kiss me.
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
7:11 pm - skiing
i'm having a happy spring break. skiing, falling, wrenching limbs, yaaay! i miss all my buddies and josh. i didn't realize how big a part of my life my friends are until i can't call them everday.

well, i hope everyone else is having as good a time as i am. take care, all!

current mood: exanimate
Comments: 2 kisses - kiss me.
Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
4:27 pm - lol...great stuff
> >
> > HE: Can I buy you a drink?
> > SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.
> >
> > HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
> > SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
> >
> > HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
> > SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
> >
> > HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
> > SHE: I must've been given your share.
> >
> > HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
> > SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
> >
> > HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
> > SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
> >
> > HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
> > SHE: Okay, get out.
> >
> > HE: I think I could make you very happy.
> > SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
> >
> > HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
> > SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
> >
> > HE: Can I have your name?
> > SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
> >
> > HE: Shall we go see a movie?
> > SHE: I've already seen it.
> >
> > HE: Where have you been all my life?
> > SHE: Hiding from you.
> >
> > HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
> > SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
> >
> > HE: Is this seat empty?
> > SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
> >
> > HE: So, what do you do for a living?
> > SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
> >
> > HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
> > SHE: Do not enter.
> >
> > HE: Your body is like a temple.
> > SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
> >
> > HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
> >SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
> >
> > HE: Where have you been all my life?
> > SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

current mood: amused
Comments: kiss me.
Monday, March 18th, 2002
5:59 pm - YER MOM!
ninz's mom puts cheese in the freezer. lora's mom plays drug-dealer. my mom thinks everything is of the devil. hmmm...

current mood: amused
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
3:46 pm - whooo! smart people!
to the anonymous commenter: yes, you are correct about aaliyah's title. -clapclap- i gave up swearing for lent, so i figured "condemned" was close enough.

forgive me, i'm tired, hungry, overloaded with work, and i have a headache. all these things, in part or in collaboration, give me the right to be as mean, cruel, and sarcastic as i want to be.


current mood: aggravated
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
3:45 pm - i couldn't decide on some answers, so i took it twice

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current mood: exhausted
Comments: kiss me.
Sunday, March 17th, 2002
2:12 pm

current mood: groggy
Comments: kiss me.
Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
3:16 pm - aaliyah may be the Queen of the Condemned, but i am the Queen of the Blondes
wow. i can be really stupid sometimes. today i felt much better as far as the infernal cough went, but my brain was eluding me. thus, i said (and did) many stupid things. bah! *mentally kicks self* we all have blue days once in a while, whereas i just have blonde days.

hmm...yeah...stuff happened today. lunch was awesome. lora, chris, and i got to the room late to receive an indignant growl from mr. hudson. luckily, lora delivered an oscar-worthy performance, saving my neck (and chris's). she is my hero. o, and btw lora, you have the permission of my parents to spend the night tomorrow. yaaaaay! you'll finally get to watch moulin rouge! i will brainwash you into loving this movie too!

mailan and connie came to the window of my afternoon class. i think (judging from their wild gestures) that they wanted to come in. i tried to respond to their wild gestures with wild gestures that were supposed to translate to, "no! don't come in! mr. hudson will slice-n-dice you!" lol.

i got to see ninz after school. poor baby. something's wrong with her eyes. when i saw her, i almost didn't recognize her because she had on her glasses. (she still looked her beautiful self, however. this is quite an accomplishment, because any semblance of beauty i may possess disappears the second glasses settle upon my nose)

one final thought from limp bizkit:
"i used to be pathetic
but now i get it
what's done is done
i know you just leave it alone
and don't regret it
but sometimes, some things
turn into dumb things
and that's when you put your foot down"

i really should talk less.

current mood: dorky
Comments: 3 kisses - kiss me.
Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
3:47 pm - lovely day
today was absolutely marvelous. i was worried this morning because i didn't know which room either of my classes were in, and i wasn't sure about dress code. but everything turned out all right in the end. my morning class absolutely rocks! it's about king arthur. i want to watch robin hood: men in tights. ;-) robbers, sammie, mab (sara mattern), lora, chris, josh, and i all have loads of fun. (if i forgot someone, i'm very sorry) o, its so much fun. my afternoon class isn't as much fun, but lunch makes up for it. i actually get to eat lunch with josh! yaaaaay! snuggle time!

i miss ninz and kelly and sara massey and mailan and rebecca and mary and everyone else. :-( but they are all baking and running away with the circus, etc., so hopefully they are having as much fun as i am. hopefully they are faring better physically than i. i'm still wracked with this same cough. ick. all day long, all the amateur physicians around lake highland have been informing me that there is no hope, that i am in fact dying. woohoo.

current mood: sick
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
Monday, March 11th, 2002
10:42 am - more quizzes! (i am discovering so much about myself)

Which Bring It On! Character Are You? by savesthegirl

current mood: silly
Comments: kiss me.
10:30 am - quizzes! yaay!

Which Lion King Character Are You?

Created by CrazyCoasterCo.

Go Faeries!!

Take the What Faery Are You? Quiz!

This quiz was made by lia

current mood: bouncy
Comments: kiss me.
10:25 am - i AM a teenage fairy

current mood: awake
Comments: kiss me.
Thursday, March 7th, 2002
3:28 pm - belated
i know i haven't updated in a while. if this upsets anyone (i'm prolly giving myself too much credit) well, i'm sorry. i thought for a while that i wasn't going to update anymore. it seemed that i wasn't being clear enough in expressing my ideas, and people drew some incorrect conclusions from my lack of clarity. all i can say is that i'm sorry. i'm sorry i may have left some important people in the lurch. but i'd like to clarify the fact that josh isn't the only person that i go to with my problems. i confide in others too. but a lot of the time, i can't confide in others because i'm worried about those "others." other times, i can't say why i'm upset. sometimes i become grouchy for no reason, or it's not something i want to talk about, to ANYONE. i'm trying to surpress the nastily sarcastic side of me, but sometimes it comes out. when that happens, you have my full permission to ignore my existance until i snap out of it.

i'm sorry, all. i'm trying to improve myself, really, i am. i'm trying to work on some of the things i do and say so that i don't hurt people so unthinkingly and so often. i've worked things out with one person, and as for the other...things still seem a little out of whack. all i can say is (this a lit quote, which i haven't listened to since the day before ash wednesday and can't listen to until easter, so if i'm off, forgive me):

"and if i had another chance
i'd never waste it
yeah, i'd try and be a better man (i am aware that i am not a man)
and i'll tell you right now
i'll make it up next time around
i'll lift you up and never let you down
next time around
i'll pick you up and never put you down
next time around"

Aside-ninz, what's your deadjournal thingie? i must have the wrong info because i always end up at the directory and never at your journal

current mood: contemplative
Comments: kiss me.
Monday, February 25th, 2002
5:36 pm - look at me! i'm the fantastic living corpse!
i just looked in the mirror and realized my face has absolutely no color except for my eyes, the sleepy-circles underneath them, and the synthetic silver above them. (my eyes, that is) i am the amazing mobile cadaver! what else would have such an amazing pallid look?

i need some sun.

perhaps i am a vampire, to whom the sun is poison. perhaps i am an old style countess belle (HAH!) whose skin is carefully guarded from bronzeing like a commoner's. perhaps i am a princess locked in a tower who has never seen daylight. (handsome prince, this is your cue! knock and i shall let my rapunzel hair down for you, only you, to climb. perhaps then i shall faint (falsely) just so i may steal a kiss from you. ;-)) perhaps i am an empty canvas, waiting for someone to come along and beautify me. perhaps i am a bridal gown, frizzy and frothy. perhaps i am nothingness, obscurity, emptiness, void...

perhaps i am being really weird.

current mood: high
Comments: 2 kisses - kiss me.
3:44 pm - comfort
sometimes you want to hide your feelings so badly. you don't want anyone to see. it seems like everything'll be ok if you can just manage to keep it together long enough to find a nice, safe place to cry until you have no more tears. till you're an empty shell of apathy and you don't have to think or feel anything anymore. you can just curl into a ball and sleep and sleep and sleep until whatever it is goes away. you almost wish you could go to sleep and never wake up. sleep is safe. no one can hurt you, but if they do, some part of you dimly knows that its just a dream. whatever is happening can't hurt you. anything is possible in a dream, and you're untouchable.

you put on your mask. your trusty rusty tried-and-true happy glittering mask that will keep you safe until its okay to cry. you pass by a few others who see only skin-deep, only your gleaming forced display of teeth, and wish they were as happy as you.

but then you see he/she/it. the person who knows you. the One who you want to hide your angst from because they are too precious. you can't bear to bother them with your problems. yet you also know that this is the One who is able to make it all bearable. the One who you want to share your problems and flaws with so that they know all of you. because maybe then they'll love all of you. but what if its all too much? your problems are too scary and snarled for even you to deal with. how could you shove them off on someone else...especially the One? irrestible force and immovable object...who what gives?

you grapple with your emotions. you seem HimHer coming closer. while you try to decide what to do about this One, you forget to maintain your mask. it slips and falls to the ground. you are lost and screwed. now you have no choice. you slowly turn, knowing that everything is plain upon your face. this is it. you always hoped dreamed that if you let it all show, that that One would not run, not panic, just hold you and make it safe for you to cry.

i am lucky. i tried to hide it but i couldn't. you saw and you held me and made it safe for me to cry. i can never thank you enough. my angel. i love you. i am afraid that perhaps i weigh you down but you can always still fly, and carry me with you. God strike me down if i should ever break your wings.

current mood: touched
Comments: 3 kisses - kiss me.
Sunday, February 24th, 2002
12:00 pm - exhaustion...
i spent the night at lora's house. we had a great time. lots of crazy/siliness. we hung out with angels. they filled the room with the purest light and love. (inside joke)

i got to talk to josh, online and on the phone. he really is so incredible. (i'm sure this gets very old, sorry peeps) we talked for quite a long time. it made me so happy, just to hear his voice. (he has a very cool voice, btw) we talked about...a lot of stuff. sorry if i'm not exactly intelligible at present, i stayed up until 5-ish and got up at 10:45. anyway, i was so happy to get to spend some time with him, even if it was over the phone and even though i was at lora's house and should have been paying more attention to her. thankies, lora, for putting up with my lovesick silliness. i love you josh. it was wonderful to get to talk to you. i must away...

current mood: tired
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
9:41 pm - the rose petals and cloud whisps swirl round and round...
i have the sweetest boyfriend. nope, don't even try it. i win. i have the sweetest, kindest, most considerate boyfriend in the entire world.

how did i get this lucky, you ask. good question. i don't know. some One Above must like me a whole lot. he's everything i ever thought to wish for and everything wonderful i didn't. i love him so much. love IS a dangerous angel, but i seemed to have received the angel, not the danger. *sigh*

i really can't say much more. josh, i love you so much. no matter what's happening, no matter where you are, i love you.

current mood: drunk
Comments: 2 kisses - kiss me.
Friday, February 22nd, 2002
4:01 pm - let it all hang out...hehehe
i'll explain the title before i do anything else. --giggle-- today, for the first time...*reflects on hair-styling past* ever! i wore my hair DOWN to school. with nothing, be it a clip or rubber band, restraining it. shocking, i know. anyway, so i was worried because, well, i'd never done it before, and i didn't know how it would look. i figured my hair might take over my whole body because of its length and thickness. (my hair does make a very good hiding place for my face when i'm embarassed, btw ;-)) at the merit studies assembly, josh told me that he had wondered how my hair would look completely down, and now voila! my hair is down. he told me he thought it looked gorgeous. wow. --grins foolishly-- that makes me ridiculously happy. i drove robbers and ninz mad after the assembly because i kept repeating to myself and them "he likes my HAIR! HE likes my hair! he LIKES my hair!" sorry guys, but i couldn't help myself. it made me so happy. --happy sigh--

today was such a good day. i was feeling kinda depressed and disappointed after school because i couldn't find josh. i figured he'd already left, so i started glumly plodding to my mom's room. as i plodded along, i figured, o well, i'll walk in front of the AMS building just in case. so i did, wondering if i could possibly be lucky enough to get to see my beloved one last time before the weekend. lo and behold, josh pops out of the AMS building! i was absolutely ecstatic with joy. so i got to huggle and snuggle a wee bit before he had to go.

o the guilt! josh had a detention today and its all my fault! he got it for being late to band and he's late to band because he walks with me to first period. o the shame! the guilt! the unimaginably penitent spirit i find myself overcome with! --plods off, head hung low with shame, face (and large portions of upper body) hidden by mass quantities of frizzy-thick hair--

ps: josh, it wasn't invasive. you were perfectly right to ask me. i didn't feel that you were being nosy. if i somehow conveyed that, i'm very sorry. it was surprise operating, not annoyance. it really made me feel special that you were concerned about me. that was wonderful of you to ask. you are so amazing. i love you.

pps: (also to josh) how can i make up landing you in detention? i feel so guilty...

current mood: loved
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
5:06 pm - what i really meant to say
ever realized later what you should have said? well...here goes...

sam:yaaaay! you're back! i missed you! i'm sorry the judges were whacky, you are WAAAAAAAAAY better than that. don't let it get you down! you rock, roll, and...all that other stuff...*huggles* i still think you would make the most money in our lil contest! ;-)

ninz: take care of yourself. it's so unfair that you, one of the kindest, most selfless people i know, should have so much poo to deal with. i think the only explanation as to why God allows these things to happen is that he knows you are a wonderful, smart, strong, beautiful person, who is secure enough to deal with a lot of crap. *huggles* hang in there! the people who treat you like poo are just endeavoring to bring you to their level...well, i know you and i know it won't work! *assumes goofy persona to make ninz laugh* wanna see my spirit stick? capricious! precious! flighty! bird! RAAAAAAA! we act like we're on speed! i see you bahbay! shakin that thang! d'you bite your thumb at me sir? no, sir, i do not bite my thumb at you for it appears i have bit it off! are you guys, like, making fun of cheerleaders? no, we want to BE cheerleaders, isn't it obvious? --note double irony on last statement--

lora: congrats. it is a boost to your ego, one which has been long deserved. perhaps [insert person] is not so worthless, since [person] had the sense to [insert action]. i wish you happiness, however the dice falls. you are such a wonderful person, who deserves nothing but the best, the creme de la creme. (--assumes idiot voice-- i can speak french!) i just wonder if that is what is best for you, but i'll try to let you make your own decisions. i am not lucky enough to be your mother, so i have no claim on your actions except that of friendship. rememeber, no matter what, you are sooo cool and you rock my socks! don't ever let anyone (including yourself) tell you differently! i want to grown down to be just like you! you're my role model!

josh: (in reference to your inquiry on valentine's day which i responded to rather unkindly, i sowwy, it just took me by surprise and it kinda hit a nerve, don't feel guilty, it was just unexpected which is why, i fear, i answered you rather shortly, you may or may not remember what i'm talking about, but if you don't, most of this still applies) i'm doing much better about that, thank you for asking. your concern is so touching. i'm honored that you are worried about me. i assure you, i am much, MUCH better. how could i not be, with you as a boyfriend? (and you are not just a "boyfriend," you are what makes me smile when i want to just cry and cry and cry until i drown in tears, you are what pulls me though the day when it seems that the world is conspiring against me, you are who i immediately want to talk to when i'm upset, because i know that you, somehow, can always always ALWAYS make me feel better, just by letting me hear the sound of your voice, and perhaps even, if i'm lucky, make me feel loved with a hug. you've never let me down. i hope that i am the same for you, for that is all i want to be.) i love you so much. i am honored to be referred to as "josh's girlfriend," though perhaps not exclusively, --cough cough-- HARRIET! ;-) in short, i love you very much. take care. try not to be suffocated under all that make-up work, but rest assured if that should occur, i will be the first (in what i am sure would be quite a lengthy queue) to endeavor to bring you back to consciousness. (you can guess how...with a good hard slap across the face, of course! j/k, i could never do that)

chris: you are THE MAN, boy! you are waywaywaywaywaaaay cool! take care of yourself. if lora wasn't my role model, i would want to be you! geez, you are so talented. i remember that one day at lunch you whipped out your violin and astounded us all. i think i threw all my change in your violin case, but your wondrous music deserved diamonds, silver, rubies, sapphires! (nope, not even those would be enough...o well) i can't wait to see what lora 'n' you come up with! it'll be AWESOME! shakespeare is either turning somersaults and retching in his grave or applauding wildly...probably the second one)

rebecca: through the years, we've stuck together. i'm so honored to still be your friend. no matter what, i'm here for you, though i hope you are never in a situation where you would need a shoulder to cry on. if you ever are, well, i'm here. promise. we are so lucky to still be friends, because obviosly i am so cool that you are "cool by assocation!" hehehe. more like the opposite way, but whatever! take care of yourself! why is the chair water orange? hmm....--giggle--

kelly: i'm so sorry we sometimes don't include you as much as we should. i honestly don't mean to. "i'll tell you right now, i'll make it up next time around"-lit. i will, i promise! i really cherish you as a friend. we've been friends for quite a while, and you are so awesome. take care. good luck riding your horsey! :-D *huggles*

current mood: grateful
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
3:46 pm - 3 months...wow
yup, it is true! today is our three month anniversary! it was extra special, because i was finally reunited with josh! *happy sigh* as i'm sure everyone noticed, he bought a big yellow duck for me. aaaaawww! SOOO SWEEEET! i remember seeing him get out of his car, fighting the urge to run down the stairs to see him, or as ninz suggested, jump over the railing. i turned away and suddenly everyone started giggling. i turned back and lo! josh has an adorable grin on his face and a humongous duck in his arms. (lucky duck! get it? the duck is lucky 'cuz its in josh's arms, and...er...shutting up now) anyway, josh, thankies. that was so wonderful of you. i love you.

i feel so happy today, but i feel guilty, because it seems that a lot of people are really having problems. i know its annoying to have someone all chipper-ish when you're in a bad situation. i sowwy. it's josh's fault! blame him! wait...nonono. don't do that. just...um...ignore me...ok, i'm humiliating myself again, i'll stop before i do any furthur damage.

current mood: loved
Comments: 1 kiss - kiss me.
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